the past two days

So i am currently sitting in my room waiting, for our dinner to be ready, and all i can think about is all the kids i have encountered the past two days. 

Yesterday, we went to the refugee camps for the first time. Our job has been to play with the kids, sounds pretty simple right? i thought so too... 

i honestly had no idea what to expect, but there really is no way i could have. Anyways, we have been playing with the kids and they are all so wonderful. They truly are precious jewels of God- i have always known we all are, but seeing these kids... well that phrase just comes to life! Unfortunately, even with this, it has still been hard- constantly trying to break up fights, get them to listen, conjure up enough energy to keep up with their fast pace, ha!, etc. 

But it really wasn't until today that my heart truly went out to them... i know that may sound weird, but it was like yesterday i spent most of the time just wanting to love on the kids and selfishly get them to love me as well- at the same time being paranoid about all the men around... but today... today was different. 

I was sitting in a tent- it was raining so we couldn't play outside- and i was struggling to keep my eyes open, freezing cold, hungry, sick of kids selfishly fighting over toys, and all i could think about was how much i wanted to leave. I just kept thinking over and over again, "i can't wait till it's 12 so i can finally rest, eat, and get warm!" 

that's when it hit me! i recall thinking, "holy crap... I am SO selfish! here i am, so concerned with myself that i am not even thinking about how much these children need our love, affection, and attention. I get to leave, eat at a table with silverware, sleep in a comfortable bed... but they will still be here. This wet cold ground is where they sleep, these tarp tents with holes in them are their shelter, and these strangers are their 'roommates'." I began to feel sick at the reality of my selfish desires. 

Here i was, accusing these kids of being selfish, and i am no better than them in any way... in fact i am worse. These kids fight for toys and attention because they have none- we (all the kids i know back home) fight and scream for toys etc. not because we don't have them, but because we want more of them. we are always wanting more more more... as if one day we will be surprised and actually be fulfilled from all the materialistic desires we have. 

I'll be the first to admit that i am like this, i want new clothes, a car, a computer, camera, cell phone, etc. etc. and for some reason i think if i can just get all these things then i will be content- but there is always more, always something newer, brighter, more expensive. I wish i could say that i no longer will desire for these things after seeing all this, i hoped the same thing after going to Kenya last summer, but there is something about our culture... it just completely sucks you in, and i let it... satan is so good at we he does... i hate to admit it but he is, he gets all of us, tricks us... i wish i was not such a sucker for it. BUT, i'm praying, reeeaally praying that God will provide me with the strength and armor i need to battle these days ahead. I know He will, i just have to trust Him and accept the peace He is continually offering me. 

Well, i know this is getting long, but i want to let you know what the rest of my day looks like. After lunch we then head to kids clubs- we are all split up into different areas of Cape Town. Thankfully lunch seems to provide us with enough energy to jump back into the action. 

Margaret and I are in Ocean View, Sam and Jess in Mountain View, Dyson, Ana, and Jeff are at Red Hill, and Kirsty is in Masiphumelele. 

Margaret and i have had quite the experience in Ocean View. we are working with three specific life skill instructors- Melissa, Christopher, and Megan(Mee-gan)- and they are seriously wonderful people! they have taught us SO much about the kids and the culture of the coloreds/ africaans. (quick info: their are blacks, coloreds, and whites- the coloreds are all the ones that are not white or "full black". and africaans is one of the 11 languages spoke in South Africa) Anyways, the kids are wonderful! despite the fact that they are wild and there are at least 100 of them, they are such loving kids. Marge and i were graced yesterday with crayola marker tattoos that coated our arms. so funny! mine consisted of a dolphin, a very long extended version of the money symbol, the word door (spelled dor in capitol letters), a bunch of other sketches that had no significance, and then, my personal favorite, a square dog with wheels for legs! i am laughing now just thinking about it! they were so proud! haha. Today was wonderful with them as well. The girls are so precious! all wanting to be held and cuddled and play hand clapping games... and then there are the boys. :) They are wonderful as well, but boy do they flirt! i think my mouth has actually dropped a few times and i'm like, "aren't you 8??!" haha. but they are adorable. 

I hope i made it clear that i love all the children- the ones in the refugee camps and the ones at kids clubs- but the experience is just completely different for both of them. of course the circumstances are completely different... i can't imagine what it would be like to be taken away from your homes and placed in a camp surrounded so closely by people you don't even know... sleeping on hard ground with little to keep you warm... it is just all so different, and therefore the kids are different and it is harder, but i love them greatly. They are beautiful children of God and my life has been all the more enriched to be able to interact with all these people. I praise God for them. 

I apologize that these are so long, but i hope you can make it through them... i just have so much to say- i haven't even said it all. :) So, if you made it this far, thanks for reading! I'll write again soon. 

love, amy