It's been a while

So, It has been quite some time since i have last blogged on here. It has been weird to go back and read all that i wrote while i was away, in the midst of everything that i was experiencing... how strange it is that life can change so quickly.

I went from the highest point of my life, living in South Africa for 5 weeks, to be chucked back into the "real world" where i am now at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville... and nothing here is the same.
I have spent the last 4 months trying to figure out why i was here and how i could get back to Africa, and frustratingly i still have no idea.
It is hard when the one place you want to be the most, talk about the most, and undoubtedly think about the most, is a place that very few people can relate to. As a result, i have found myself suppressing these longings in order to fully invest and relate to the news lives i am now surrounded by on a daily basis.
But.. i can't help but wonder, is this where i am really supposed to be? What does God really want me to be doing with my life? There has to be a reason that is feel so discontent.... i know there is more than this!

I recently learned of a girl names Katie Davis, an incredible, awe inspiring, young woman, only two years older than me, that has been living in Uganda, teaching over a hundred kids, and literally mothering several children. She will be returning in January and as hard as i try not be, i am unbelievably envious.
I am so moved by what she is doing, and my mind is completely blown by what God is doing in her life and how He is using her in the lives people here and in Africa. I cannot express how happy i am for this young woman, to be serving the Lord in such a way... but sinfully, it makes my stomach sick with jealousy. I hate that i feel this way, but i do not know how to keep these feelings from rising.

As a result, i wonder... is God going to be using me like this as well? Are these feelings of envy coming from the root of the fact that this is truly where i want to be... that that is what i want to be doing?
I think, in all honesty, the answer is yes. My heart looonngs for this so badly. I believe that God has a wonderful plan for me, that He will direct me here when the time is right... He will not forget about me or leave me hanging. I full faith in this. I pray that the Lord will provide me with the patience to wait on Him- to wait on His timing- but to never let this longing die. I pray that i will keep the truth of what's most important flowing through me... the truth of who God is and the reality of His might power. Our God is Mighy to Save!! And He is good.

I realize that i am only a simple, naive, almost 19 year old girl-- that alone, i am completely and utterly weak-- but the Lord has me, His mighty hand makes me strong, and it is only through Him that any good-- if i ever do any good-- come from.
God is Good. God is Good.