Decisions

Well, the holidays are over, and I can't believe how fast this past semester flew by. 

It's a new year, and therefore a new start. I have so much to be grateful for and it pains me to say how much I take these blessings for granted. 

God has blessed me with the most amazing family, and if that weren't enough, he gave me incredible friends as well. My heart feels as though it might be swollen, because of all the love that is constantly being poured into my life. I have been so blind to all of this, unable to see just how much love I do have in my life. I knew I was blessed with "things" and with a family and friendships that are bound together by the love of Christ, but I just did not understand how much. It was as if I knew it but didn't believe it... or, like I said, just didn't understand it.

This is something that I feel I would have discovered in Africa, a place, that in most areas, is so deprived of this kind of love and relationships that I would have only been made more aware of how much love and wonderful relationships I had... but I think I was so focused on the fact that they didn't have it, that I never saw what I had myself. 

This may not make sense, but somewhere in my head these wires connected. ha.

This long overdue realization, has brought on a multitude of other feelings and longings. I am now, more than ever, unbelievably eager to go out and spread this love to others. Why bind all of this love to myself when I can go and share it with others? I want so badly to pour into the lives that surround me, the lives that may be dry, but I know I could never ever do this on my own, for I am far too selfish. 

The desire is here, I can feel it, but I pray that the Lord will give me the heart and drive to do so. 

I feel that I can easily go to Africa and love on the lives around me... the people that so clearly need this love that all I want to do is cry and give them all I have... to continuously give them my heart which they have already taken. 

But how much harder is it to love those here, in Knoxville, Tennessee? A place where everyone wears a facade and puts on a show, so that no one will ever have to see that they are confused and hurting. A place where our culture tells us to build up walls and hold everyone out at arms length so that we won't get hurt. A place that tells you to be strong, suck it up, and learn from it. 

A place that sucks me back into the materialism and shallow worries about body imagine and acceptance. A place that beckons me to be selfish and constantly worry about myself... how hard is it then to not be self-absorbed and to extend my love to others... to those in just as much need of love as my children in Africa? It feels impossible... to try and breach those barriers, to share with those I wouldn't first choose to share it with... but I know that it is, in fact, possible. Not in my own power, I am not a fool to believe that, but, in Christ, I fully believe. 

I in no way think it will be easy, but then when is anything, truly important, easy? 

My Father knows what He is doing, and I know that He will not let me fall and He will not let me drown... now I just have to believe it.  

Beyond this, I am also in a tough situation in which I must make a decision on what to do with my summer. I, naturally, want to return to my second home-- Africa, but I am unsure as to where. I initially was feeling pulled back to South Africa again, but recently I have become unsure. Do I go to South Africa or is God calling me to somewhere else? Do I even go to Africa this summer or do I stay here in the states and fill my summer with other activities? It makes me sick to think about not returning, but I know I must do what God calls me to do, and therefore, at this point, all I can do it pray... something I have not been devoting my time to near as much as I know I need to... 

but in time I will know, and God will reveal His plans... I just need to have patience and faith... if only that were easy. ha. 

my love, 

Amy

It's been a while

So, It has been quite some time since i have last blogged on here. It has been weird to go back and read all that i wrote while i was away, in the midst of everything that i was experiencing... how strange it is that life can change so quickly.

I went from the highest point of my life, living in South Africa for 5 weeks, to be chucked back into the "real world" where i am now at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville... and nothing here is the same.
I have spent the last 4 months trying to figure out why i was here and how i could get back to Africa, and frustratingly i still have no idea.
It is hard when the one place you want to be the most, talk about the most, and undoubtedly think about the most, is a place that very few people can relate to. As a result, i have found myself suppressing these longings in order to fully invest and relate to the news lives i am now surrounded by on a daily basis.
But.. i can't help but wonder, is this where i am really supposed to be? What does God really want me to be doing with my life? There has to be a reason that is feel so discontent.... i know there is more than this!

I recently learned of a girl names Katie Davis, an incredible, awe inspiring, young woman, only two years older than me, that has been living in Uganda, teaching over a hundred kids, and literally mothering several children. She will be returning in January and as hard as i try not be, i am unbelievably envious.
I am so moved by what she is doing, and my mind is completely blown by what God is doing in her life and how He is using her in the lives people here and in Africa. I cannot express how happy i am for this young woman, to be serving the Lord in such a way... but sinfully, it makes my stomach sick with jealousy. I hate that i feel this way, but i do not know how to keep these feelings from rising.

As a result, i wonder... is God going to be using me like this as well? Are these feelings of envy coming from the root of the fact that this is truly where i want to be... that that is what i want to be doing?
I think, in all honesty, the answer is yes. My heart looonngs for this so badly. I believe that God has a wonderful plan for me, that He will direct me here when the time is right... He will not forget about me or leave me hanging. I full faith in this. I pray that the Lord will provide me with the patience to wait on Him- to wait on His timing- but to never let this longing die. I pray that i will keep the truth of what's most important flowing through me... the truth of who God is and the reality of His might power. Our God is Mighy to Save!! And He is good.

I realize that i am only a simple, naive, almost 19 year old girl-- that alone, i am completely and utterly weak-- but the Lord has me, His mighty hand makes me strong, and it is only through Him that any good-- if i ever do any good-- come from.
God is Good. God is Good.

A Thrilling Weekend!

So I have been keeping a secret... and i apologize for that, but i figured if i told you (mainly my parents and other parents)what it was that you would freak out or something... 

curious? ok, i'll tell you. :)

I went SHARK CAGE DIVING!!!! yes, me, Amy Manuel who is so scared of sharks!

i don't know what has gotten into me while we have been over, but i have turned into somewhat of daredevil... well, maybe just more carefree and adventurous. 

But oh my gosh it was SOO cool!!! no, it was incredible!! They were Great White sharks- In other words, they were huge!- and they swam right up by the cage, bumped into it, and gosh they were magnificent!

i have no idea how i was not freaked out... but i'm so glad i did it!

There is a downside though-

I got veerry seasick. I will save you all the gruesome details, but i think you get the picture. The workers on the boat said i was just helping chum the sharks in. ha! wish i could have laughed about it then. 

Margaret got sick as well... she was the first to throw up- so technically she chummed the sharks in. haha. What an adventure that was for the both of us. :) 

BUT we are all alive and well and SOO glad we did it! 

It's definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

OH! almost forgot, we also saw three whales! They were Southern Right Whales, and they were so awesome! (and freaky... whales freak me out for some reason. haha)

Other than that, 

last night all of the ACTS leaders and the volunteers went out for a "good-bye dinner".

it was so sad... but good- bittersweet would be a better word for it. It made me (and i know everyone else) feel very loved, and it affirmed not only the work we did here, but the strength of the relationships we built here. I am so blessed, and praise God that i was given this incredible opportunity! 

We are about to head out for lunch- the original 9 (our family) decided to all get together for lunch and take it to the beach for our good-byes. 

I hate good-byes... so pray that i hold up well. 

I love you all. THANK YOU for your prayers! i can not express how very much it means to me. 

i will see you very soon... i can't believe it... but it's true. 

So this time i'll end with saying, see ya soon! :)

till then!

part two

I apologize for so abruptly ending the last blog, but i will continue from where i left off. 

After a wonderful weekend, we began one of the hardest weeks of my life, emotionally... yet one of the best. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's a crazy mixture of emotions!

But, Monday was pretty normal- Muizenburg (to work at Living Grace) and then back to Mountain View for Kidz clubs. 

Then Tuesday came the tedious tasks...

We have been building a shelter for the kids in Red Hill (one of the townships) so that the kids would have a place to play when it rained. 

I thought it would be an easy task... well... lets just say: we had 3 shovels, a pick ax, and a half broken rake. So we had to use just those things to completely clear out and level a piece of land that was previously just a trash dumb. (We found an old mattress underground as we were digging!)... but thankfully, by the third day we received more help and more tools, so that was nice. :)

But that afternoon, at kidz clubs, i had to begin telling all the kids that i was leaving this upcoming Tuesday. 

Gosh.. that was one of the hardest things i have done in a long time. i have become so close to these kids and i don't even know how to begin to explain how hard that situation was... it breaks my heart to leave them, more than they will ever know. They have made me feel so loved and i pray that i have made them feel the same. 

Wednesday: 

It was my last day of working in Red Hill, and we got SO much accomplished! We had more help than usual, because halfway through working a group of college students (from Georgia), that work with Campus Outreach, came and joined in on our efforts. They were a great group of people, and (a little fact to show how small this world actually is) one of the girls on the team is actually really close to jamie dorris (my d-group leader) and she read at her wedding- which margaret, sam, and i were honorary bridesmaids for!! how crazy is that?! 

Needless to say, we had a very successful day!

Wednesday afternoon:

There was absolutely no way to prepare for this part of my day. It was my last day, and it was one of the saddest and most humbling days of my life. 

It was hygiene day- basically they decided to start doing hygiene days once a month to help encourage the kids to stay clean and give them an opportunity to get clean. So we had stations set up for washing hair, brushing teeth, cutting nail, etc. 

I was planning on just walking around, taking pictures, and talking to all the kids for the last time... but then one of the life-skill educators asked me if i would be willing to wash the kids feet. 

As soon as he said those words my mind immediately went to the Passover where Jesus washed the disciples feet. And i know i'm not Jesus or anything, ha, but i couldn't help but try and put myself in His shoes as i went about this task. 

I honestly never really fully understood the big deal about Him doing that. I mean, i knew that it was technically a job for the servants and that their feet must have been nasty, but i could never really picture it... until now. Here i was, having to scrub the feet of children who run around barefoot, all day, in the dirt... some one them had sores and cuts, all of them had grime under their toe nails, and it was honestly just... well, gross. i have no idea where their feet had been.. and well i think you get the picture. 

So, in a nutshell, that was just a really humbling experience for me, because it not only allowed me to be servant to these kids, but gave me a more enlightened perspective on the servant hearted task Jesus carried out. 

After this was the goodbyes... and honestly, i can't really talk about those because it makes me feel sick. I already hate goodbyes, but this was awful. These kids opened up to me and loved me and let me love them, and now i am just up and leaving them... and they don't really understand why. but i need to move on before i get upset again. 

so, Thursday:

This truly was an unbelievable day! My spirits were so lifted from the sadness of the day before... and i'll tell you why. :)

Margaret and I were asked two weeks before if we would cook lunch at Living Grace this thursday for all the homeless. We said yes, not knowing at all what we would cook, but having faith that somehow we would pull it together... and we did! We made a stew- a really good one might i add :)- that served over 85 people! (the most people they have ever had come!) They all seemed to really enjoy it and i felt so blessed that i got the opportunity to do something like that. It was an awesome experience! 

But, the day didn't stop here. In fact, it got even better. The shelter- the one in Red Hill- was completely finished that morning while margaret and i were cooking, and so we were to have a celebration party that afternoon/night. So, we all went up there after lunch and it was incredible! The shelter was seriously beautiful... especially compared to how the land looked before we touched it, and by evening it was crowded with kids, teens, adults, and all those who helped build it. It was a blast! We danced and sang and painted faces and the whole place was seriously booming with joy! I will continue to praise the Lord for His goodness, and for blessing each and every person there with the fullness of joy and grateful hearts. 

And Friday- today:

My official last day of working... it pains me to write those words. I don't know how it could possibly be over! It has been a great day as well- worked in Muizenburg- but again, i had to say those dreaded goodbyes. I will miss every person that has walked into that shelter, but will miss those i worked alongside the most. They taught me so much about Cape Town and the culture, but most of all about loving people. Loving those that are hard to love and even those whose ways you don't approve of... everyone needs love and deserves love, and so despite of who they are and how they live i will love them... because if Christ can love disgusting, cheating, perverted sinners like us (it's harsh but true), then i can love them, because i am no better... even if they have wronged me- no matter how hard it may be. 

ok... sorrry, i will get of my soap box now. ha. 

But i have to run because we are about to have a brye (a.k.a. BBQ) that Mike and Mike are throwing for our team! 

I will see you soon! gosh i can't believe it has gone by this fast.. 

i love you all! :)

amy

SOOO much to tell!!!

I am going to have to write this spread out over a few posts because otherwise it would be insanely long... all my dates are confused right now anyways so it might not make too much of a difference. :)

ok.. where to begin... from what i can remember, last week was a normal week- kidz clubs, muzenburg, capri, etc. but the weekend was absolutely wonderful!! 

I honestly can't remember what we did on friday... i'm sure it will come back to me later, but saturday we got to go to a South African (springbok) vs. Italy rugby game! it was really really cool! we were about 5-7 rows from the field and had an amazing time! 

The downside: it rained.. the whooole time! Fortunately, that made the game a lot more interesting and made for some funny stories. But we were completely drenched! That really is only fun for about ten minutes... then you're just miserable. ha!

however, if you do decide to go sit out in the rain for a few hours, i do not advise wearing jeans. 

1. because they take about 10 years to dry. 

2. They get really heavy causing you to have to waddle around when you walk

3. They stretch out... so then you get to hold your pants up, while you waddle,all while basking in the ever so comfortable wetness of your pants and bum. 

so there you have it. :)

OH! almost forgot, last thursday we went to Mike and Pam's flat for dinner. They made chili and brownies, which made me feel right at home! it was such a fun night!! well... until we played Mafia... (it's a game... if you don't know it, don't worry about it) basically... i now officially hate the game. i have never ever played a more frustrating game of Mafia in my life!! tragic.. i know. ;) other than this little factor though, everything was great!

but back to the weekend: on Sunday, we had a beautiful day! in fact, days like this hardly ever happen in Cape Town during the winter. So, we decided to go to Cape Point and Cape of Good Hope (the southe western most point of Africa), and oh my goodness... i can't even begin to describe how spectacular it was! I got to hike up to the top lookout point, and it was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!! we climbed over the rock wall at the top and went out the very edge (we prob. weren't supposed to do that, hence the wall, but we got to see an amazing view by doing so. in fact, the water was a color i have never seen before in person- like a deep blue/green- it was stunning! the funniest part of it all though, was over at The Cape of Good Hope. The waves here a HUGE! i laugh every time i think about being at the beach back home thinking the waves were huge... they seriously hold nothing to these. But, the waves were coming in high and crashing up on the rocks... it truly was incredible to watch. But, jess decides she is going to go over and stand on one of the rocks that is getting slammed with waves. She claimed she could dart away from them, but as she tried to escape a giant on she lost balance and got completely consumed/ drenched by the wave! it was definitely the highlight of all of our day.

OK- i am literally falling in and out sleep as i write this, so, i think it would be a good breaking point for now. I will finish the rest with a blog tomorrow. get excited! ;D

goodnight all!

much love!

amy 

just in case you were wondering

The last couple days have been internet free... would have been a cool thing had we just decided not to use it for a few days, but instead we used all of it up. 

confused? 

i'll explain:

In South Africa, you have to buy things in "bundles". For instance, you don't just pay electric bills, internet bills, cell phone bills etc. you buy a certain amount of electricity, internet and cell phone minutes and use it till it runs out. 

So- we have a certain amount of broadband per month, and well... we used it up. :/ whoops!

as much as that was a pain, i think it was actually a good thing. we were able to spend time together and just focus on our surroundings and being in communion with one another. It was great while it lasted.. for now we are all sitting beside each other- typing away to catch up on all we missed the past couple days. haha. 

so, just in case you were wondering, that's what's been up. 

as far as the actual "important stuff" goes- i will have to blog about that later for now, i am out of time. 

therefore, be looking forward to all the news of the past couple days... there's a lot! :)

thanks for all your prayers! love you all!

a laid back weekend

This weekend, contrary to the others, has been very relaxing and laid back. Friday night went rented Hot Fuzz... i can't say that i recommend it. It's out of the ordinary for sure, but i think you have to be in the mood for that kind of humor (British humor, which i generally enjoy) to enjoy it. Saturday we watched a rugby game and then went to see a movie that night. So really... this weekend was based on relaxing and watching movies it seems. which is kind of nice.. but then at the same time feels like a huge waste considering where we are. But i guess we all needed the rest..

anyways, 

today was chill as well, but we had a GREAT start. We decided (the family) to trick Mike Talley, our volunteer coordinator, that there was a problem at the house and we needed him to come over this morning before church.

Well, we freaked him out a little more than we meant to, (whoops) and he was over, with his wife Pam, (who was also in on our surprise)bright and early! so, he came in to an empty living room, extremely on edge, and about five seconds into it, we whipped out from hiding in the kitchen- with jeff on guitar- and started singing a father's day song we had written. He was so shocked! and the smile on his face was priceless!

So, we had a surprise Father's Day breakfast for Mike- because we couldn't celebrate with our own dads and his kids aren't here- and it was perfect! 

We then went to church... which i'm sad to say i think i slept through more than half of. :/ i tried so hard but i couldn't keep my eyes open! Then the rest of the day we just laid around the house and called our dad's. 

exciting weekend, i know! :)

Today was the first day that i actually got a little bit homesick though... i guess being away for Father's Day got to me.

It struck me as i was talking to my dad how blessed I am. That i have a father who is devoted to his family, didn't leave us, is faithful to his wife, cares and provides for his children, and loves us unconditionally... the exact opposite of the roles I have seen fathers play in South Africa. I praise God for the amazing father and family He has given me- i truly couldn't ask for more. 

on a lighter note: i realized today that there was a story i never told you about that happened in our room. So here it goes:

We discovered recently that ants here are attracted to heat.. whether because it's winter or not, i don't know, but regardless, they keep heading inside. So, we have had a few issues already, anna's heater got attacked by them, Jeff's computer as well... they all swarmed out of his key board!! and then there was the incident of the converter. 

Well, Margaret kept getting all these bites all over her and no of us could figure out what they were from. We kept joking around telling her she had scabies. haha. yes we are nice like that. :)

Well, someone, i can't remember who, came and asked if they could borrow our converter. Well, margaret's is broken and so she was using mine.. which was plugged in over by her bed... So she reaches down to grab it, pulls it up, and begins shrieking! i of course think it's a spider- and with my phobia of them- begin shrieking as well. So all the guys run in and margaret throws the converter down on the ground and as soon as it hits ants literally explode out of the sides of the converter!! they were EVERYWHERE!!! so we grabbed loads of bug spray- spraying and screaming- and jeff grabbed the camera to film this epic event. so half a bottle of bug spray and sore throats later, we threw the converter outside and haven't touched it since. ha! I wish i could show you all the video. It is beyond priceless! 

well i love you all!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!

amy